image credit @heymamaco
At some point of every day—I am the best mother, I am the worst mother and I am a mediocre mother. That's just the way it goes.
I strike mom gold with a delicious, healthy (and child-approved) breakfast, yet five minutes later, I've fallen from grace as I argue with my 6-year old daughter about why she cannot wear a white eyelet sundress to school when it's 45 degrees outside.
As a mother, I make mistakes—big and small on the reg. I try my hardest, but no matter what, I'm certain that I'm destined to come up in one of their therapy sessions later in life for one reason or another. I mean, let's get real, how am I supposed to show my babies that they always come first, when in fact, there are times when I have no choice but to prioritize my work ahead of them in order to get our bills paid.
I know that I can't do it all, but ss much as I would love to say, "Peace out, mom-guilt", I just can't seem to shake her, and last week—I finally admitted to myself that it's not about guilt at all, it's about insecurity.
Seeing as our babies do not come with a manual, and we are mostly going on gut—it's only natural for self-doubt to creep in, but in today's social media society, it's more than self-doubt creeping in, it's the opinions and critiques of other mothers—some of whom we don't even know IRL and some of whom are merely acquaintances. What I find most remarkable about this, for me personally, is how I let a seemingly insignificant comment (often from a stranger) get to me . Why am I so quick to question myself based on a snide comment from another mother...who, by the way, is also winging it, sans manual?
If I've learned anything since becoming a mother of two, it's that no two children are the same. This fact alone should clear all of us from parent comparison and doubt, but insecurities aren't logical. They play tricks on us. I believe insecurities are also the culprit for most of the snide remarks and mom-shaming that's running rampant on social media and at school bake sales.
Perhaps if we used all our energy to build each other up and affirm each other's parenting methods, rather than tearing each other down, we would all feel more confident in our own choices. Or at the very least, feel that we can truly be honest without the fear of judgement or harsh critiques.
I thought about all the times I have received a "mom-shaming" comment, as well as all the times I may have unintentionally put one out into the world, as I sincerely believe that many of these comments are actually not meant to be unkind, but stem from all the insecurities.
Here is a short list of mom-shaming moments: what WAS ACTUALLY said and what SHOULD have been said...
{warning: shameless plug included in the last example, but I just couldn't help myself! insert winky face.}
In regards to SCREEN TIME
Mom A: "Sometimes I feel like we let our littles watch too much TV. I'm actually surprised by how often I use it as a tool to allow myself the time to get ready for work or to get stuff done around the house...I just can't do it all. Do you every feel that way?"
Actual response—
Mom B: "We allow one hour a day and one hour only!"
How Mom B should have responded—
Mom B: "You're doing your best and they are LOVED!"
In regards to DIET
Mom A: "Can you believe the price of organic berries? I mean I know they're on the "always buy organic list", but when a single quart of raspberries goes over $5.99, I sadly make my way back to the pesticide aisle. Please tell me I am not a terrible mother!"
Actual Response—
Mom B: "I only shop at farmer's markets so I haven't compared non-organic prices to organic prices in years."
How Mom B should have responded—
Mom B: "You're doing your best and they are FED!"
In regards to ACTIVITIES
Mom A: "With all our work related travel, it's really hard for us to sign our 6-year old up for any long, consistent activities. I feel so much pressure for her to be at an apprentice level (at something) already...I'm just not sure how we can swing it."
Actual Response—
Mom B: "Oh that's a shame. Our kids adore all their sports and activities. I think it's crucial for social development skills."
How Mom B should have responded—
Mom B: "You're doing your best and she is HAPPY!"
In regards to your HOME
Mom A: Posts a picture of dining room which includes heavily accessories shelves and a rectangular shape, glass top dining table.
Actual Comment—
Mom B: "I could never have dangerous nick-nacks and sharp angles around my children in my home, but good for you!"
How Mom B should have responded—
Mom B: " "
(If you don't have anything positive to add, don't say or type anything!)
