What do you do when you lose your sh*t (aka drop your basket) in front of your kiddos?
I know that I have messed up in front of Olive—said wrong thing, muttered a bad wordunder my breath or acted irrationally impatient. But this morning, I really lost it. I completely dropped my basket.
I received some news today—disappointing news, but by no means catastrophic. Unfortunately, my chemical makeup doesn't always allow me to see the big picture. Small things escalate to big things quickly and my ability to cope flies out the window. Add an extra dose of hormones to the equation and well...you get an unholy mess of irrational behavior. Today, Olive was the witness of a 35-year old woman throwing a 3-year old style fit. I threw my hairbrush. I stomped my feet. I yelled. I cried. I fell on the floor. I made a complete ass of myself in front of my precious daughter.
Though I am painfully aware of my short comings when it comes to assessing certain situations in a calm and rational manner, I am usually able to contain them internally. Not so much today. It made me feel very alone. Alone in this #momfail space with very few friends here to talk to or to have a glass of wine with while they tell me it will all be okay. Friends who say things like: "kids are so resilient" or "she won't even remember it tomorrow". Mostly lies I am sure, but necessary for survival.
I have to think that there are other mamas grappling with the same struggle. What do you do when your precious little one sees the worst side of you? How do you pick the basket up without traumatizing her for life? And how do I recover from throwing my own fit while trying to teach her not to?
Please share your thoughts—your experiences. This first time mama could really use a little mamaraderie.
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