Though I am quite open about living with bipolar, I do tend to use humor when talking or writing about it. Laughing through the crazy is a crucial coping mechanism for me, but I never want to undermine the disease. There are many days void of laughter - many days full of darkness. Six years ago yesterday, was my darkest day.
To write about it in much detail is still too painful and honestly too personal, but there is a story of hope within that day, and I believe it should be shared.
My reality is that I deal with suicidal thoughts often, but getting to the place of action is managed with medication and actively practicing cognitive therapy. On July 15, 2009, those methods failed me. Reaching the ultimate low and wanting to escape life, I took 60 Klonopin with 2 quick gulps of pink lemonade flavored Crystal Light. In what felt like an instant, everything went black.
Twenty-four hours later, I woke up in a hospital room surrounded by terrified, yet loving friends and family. I spent 4 days in the medical hospital and was then transferred to a mental hospital for an additional 3 days. To this day, they are by far the most surreal 7 days of my life. I learned more about myself in those days than in every other day combined.
There is not a day that goes by that I am not eternally grateful for living. I am blessed to say that I failed at suicide. With Brett and Olive by my side, my life is so full of joy, love, and laughter. It doesn't mean that I don't go to that dark place, as it will always be a a part of this illness, but the reminder of their love makes life worth living. And so, I choose to live.
July 15th holds a special place in my heart. It's my personal anniversary of living and in many ways, it means more to me than my actual birthday. Life is hard and we all struggle with our own set of demons and difficulties. But life is so good too. Celebrate it! Don't let it pass you by.
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Thank you so much for sharing.
Love you always ! Hugs to Brett and Olive..we miss you guys already. spent day with Lily Grace today really growing!!
D.W. Buchanan on
I’ve been reading your instagram and entries here for a while now (even though I’m far from the target audience, as a childless seventeen year old girl) and I’d like to thank you for posting this and congratulate you on being so brave to share this with us. I’m currently living with bipolar, as well as depression and anxiety and just this week, I relapsed again and tried to end my life for the 9th time – and being hospitalized isn’t an option since I’m a minor. :|However, eading stories like yours make me want to move forward, especially when I see how beautiful your family is and the awesome job you’re doing with BURU – it gives me hope that someday things will get better.
Again, thank you for sharing.
Your honesty and vulnerability make you so incredibly beautiful and inspiring. I’m so happy that we were able to meet, that you were there for one of our first of what I hope are many meetings. I haven’t known you a long time, but I love your drive, smarts and sense of humor. Reading this makes many of those in your life feel all the more grateful to have you beautiful soul here!!
Kisses and hugs,
Katya Libin on
Thank you Morgan for sharing your story. I, too have a story very similar. My special day is July 9, 2007. I just celebrated life just last week! I sometimes still suffer but I have found peace with who I am and I like myself plus I have an awesome partner. Love following your blog!
Mary Ann on
Morg, I am so proud of you for sharing your story and being so real and vulnerable. I know many see your external beauty and amazing talent, but those who know you well, can testify to your inner beauty that shines so brightly as you continue to choose life and love. Boy am I so thankful this is true… as this world is so much more lovely with you in it! Celebrating you today too! XOXO
Ashley Skinta on
To my precious daughter, I thank God every day for your life and the joy you have always brought to me. No parent wants their child to fail but words can’t begin to express the gratitude I have for that failure. We both had our guardian angels in overdrive that night…yours kept you breathing, mine got me to Nashville in an hour and 15 mins, on a plane headed to Houston ! I love you and your precious family and can’t imagine my life without you. So thanks for being a failure, ONCE!
I’ll forever celebrate July 15 with you because I can’t imagine life without Morgan! xx
You are so courageous! Thank you for being truly beautiful inside and out. You’re such an inspiration and a blessing!
What a touching story of bravery and honesty. I’m glad you suck at suicide because you are an amazing, strong and talented individual and the world would be at a loss without you. You are such an inspiration! Keep on keeping on! Big hugs!!!
Many people prone to mental extremes, inate, chemical, emotional, or whatever shine so brightly (like you!) when they are doing well it can be hard to imagine there were times when they weren’t. I have dealt with a similar issue and I find it hard to be open about so I appreciate you sharing. Life does certainly take on another dimension when you are a Mom to and it makes the good times all the more precious. x
Morgan — I can’t imagine my life without you as my cousin. Thank you for your openness and zest for life. I am proud of you and love you! Your life has been and will continue to be a blessing to me; keep sharing your life with others, and your struggles, and I promise you, you will help countless people.
Love you, Morgan. Thank you for your bravery, honesty, and courage.
You never fail to impress me. With you style, your love for your little one and most of all your honesty. Depression has a very big part of my life and although it pains me to know that you suffer from this, I am lightened by the fact that by sharing your story you are perhaps showing just one (most likely more) that there is light at the end of the tunnel, even if you don’t see it. You my friend are an inspiration to so many of us. Keep being you.
Thank you for speaking so openly and honestly about your illness and sharing your story. These diseases are just as real and painful as cancer, heart disease and the list goes on. So happy I bumped into your IG almost a year ago it’s been amazing to read your story & follow your business!