Mom Bod Check-List
Last week I plucked a random black hair (about 1/4" long) growing out of the side of my right arm—just above my bicep.
Naturally, I wondered how long it had been there. I began to scrutinize over my entire body, followed by a thorough examination of my face in our magnifying mirror. After finding a few more "treasures", it dawned on me how overdue I was for a detailed maintenance check.
As busy mamas, it's so easy to overlook ourselves—but I just can't be "that mom" at school drop-off with legs so hairy you can see it from carpool. So, ladies, I give you my 5-Point New MOM checklist. If you can find 5-10 minutes a week to go over this, perhaps it will save you the embarrassment of discovering toe-knuckle hair at your next pedicure.
1. TEND TO YOUR FEET
While professional pedicures are wonderful, they can also be a time suck. Be sure that you have a kit at home to take care of unsightly toes and heels. Dry, callused feet are for gators. Get yourself a Pedegg, a classic colored polish and some top-quality clippers to keep your feet "Eddie Murphy Approved". (That's a Boomerang reference for those of you born in my decade!)
Oh—and don't forget to pluck the knucks! (Toe knuckles that is!)
2. FLOSS THOSE PEARLY WHITES
I'm sure you're brushing twice a day (or at least once, right?...ha ha!) but don't forget to give those pearlies some love at the gum. You don't want to be the mom with rank breath at back-to-school night. Or even worse—the back to work mom with dragon breath in the boardroom. These flossers make it easy and effortless! And they even have a travel option for your purse or diaper bag in case you forget!
3. SHAVE. SHAVE. SHAVE.
Unless you have decided to go au natural (à la the french), don't forget to blade your bod. Do it for you. And while you're at it, do it for baby daddy. A smooth leg goes a long way under the sheets. Plus, during these last days of summer, any kiddos (over the age of 4) will appreciate the lack of a hairy pit at pick-up.
This amazing razor is a dream, but you can take it a step further with an in-home hair removal kit. I just started using this one myself. So far. So good.
4. BUTTER YOUR BOD
Odds are— your baby has sucked all the extra nutrients from you. Gone are the days when your skin carried a natural glow. To avoid lizard-like scales, lather yourself with lotion. Be sure to keep a travel-size moisturizer in your car or hand-bag for last-minute emergencies when the afternoon light catches your ashy skin just right.
5. BANISH THE STRAYS
Check your eyebrows.
Check your mustache.
Check your toes.
Check your arms.
Check your chin.
Check your ears.
Check your neck.
Check your ta-tas.
Check your navel.
Check your bikini line.
Check it ALL!
Alternatively—just own it and embrace this phase of life when your focus is on your kiddos and not entirely on yourself!
This checklist is meant to be funny, mamas. To highlight the fact that we're all raising babies with zero time to focus on crazy stray hairs!