I have moved a lot.  And until last Saturday, when we officially arrived in Utah, I thought I was really good at it.  Now I know the truth.  My single self (I mean pre-child, not pre-Brett) was great at moving.  My mother self...not so much.

I suppose I was technically a mother when we moved from Beijing to Kentucky at 8-months pregnant, but we all know that little ones are far easier to care for when they are trapped in the womb.  Other than my fears for her safety (and my own) on the 14-hour flight, I was relatively calm and collected through the entire process of our international move.  Naively, I thought that our move west would be just like all the other moves before it.  It isn't.  I am a real mother now.

I do not mean to imply that are not happy with our decision to move to Salt Lake City.  Nor do I mean to say that we were not completely blessed in the ease of getting here.  On the contrary, we are excited for this new adventure and we are grateful for all of the help and support we have received along the way.  That said, I have entered into a new territory for me, and it is called worry.

You see, "Momo" (my wonderful mother) always seemed to take care of the worry for me.  One might say that she did enough of it for the both of us.  I let her take the lead and found other ways to occupy my time, Bipolar anyone?  (kidding!)  Turns out, I don't like worry.  I hate it in fact.  Whoever said worry was a useless emotion might be the smartest person ever.  I feel like worry is running through my veins.  I am consumed with them, but none of them are about Brett or me.  They center entirely around Olive (a bit silly as she is the likely the most resilient of the 3 of us!)  Even so, I can't help but think:

- Will her new teacher's love her as much?

-Will she survive "Momo" separation?

-Will her eczema get worse in the dry climate?

-Will I find a pediatrician?

-Will kids in her class be sweet to her?

-Will she get whooping cough? (extra stupid worry as she has been vaccinated)

-Will people make fun of her bows & smocked dresses? (also stupid)

-Will we find a church?

-Will we find a babysitter?

-Will she be happy here?

How do I make it stop!?  I know the answer.  The answer is prayer, but I swear I am so overwhelmed with the worry that when I pray about it, I just end up worrying more.  Last night I went to bed at 8PM - most likely because the worry is so damn exhausting.  (Oops - prayer and damn in the same sentence). 

Perhaps if worry wasn't such new territory for me, then I would know what to do.  My brain tells me that balloons, bubbles, and Princess Sofia dolls will solve all of Olive's problems at this stage of her life, but my heart isn't quite so sure.

Any tips, mamas?


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  • Jean Blankenship, Morgan's Grandmother

    My mother was the world champion worrier; I don’t care what anyone else says .MY PROOF:

    We ,my husband and I lived on a farm with my parents. We had a 1 year old baby .Picture this: Mom looks out the window one day and sees my father and my husband pass the house in Dad’s car without stopping to tell us where they are going. From this Mom deduces that they had been chopping down a tree and one had cut the other’s foot off. They were thus rushing to the hospital without time to stop and tell us. Whoever cut their foot off would doubtless bleed to death on the way. I should therefore grab the baby and we should follow in our car as fast as I could drive. This I do. About 2 miles down the road we see Dad’s car parked at a friend’s car shop . Dad, Husband, and Friend sitting on Friend’s porch having a cup of coffee, stunned at seeing us flying by, Mom crying, baby half dressed, me driving like a maniac. I promised myself that day that I would save all worrying until I actually saw the cut-off foot, and I have pretty much stuck to it. Morgan, I advise you to do likewise. Mother,of course continued worrying about things that never happened until the day she died.

    Jean Blankenship, Morgan's Grandmother on

  • Keila

    Gah, yes! I’ve been in the same boat these past few months as we were waiting to find out where my husband would match for residency! I was literally worrying every night because now not only am I a momma of one but two under two! And my list of worries was probably twice yours ? And honestly right now even though we are staying in the same city I somehow have residual worry! I think other than prayer what’s helped me is to talk it out with my husband. And even just verbalizing them out loud has helped a ton! I wish you all the best in your move, you’re doing great momma!


    Keila on

  • EJ

    Welcome to the club. I have to say that I oftentimes bypass “worry” and blow straight in to full, high def, 3D visualizations of worst-case scenarios. That’ll get the heart rate up! Wish it counted as cardio. I think worry is a natural side effect of motherhood and it does have its usefulness, it helps you make sure she’s all taken care of. We just have to constantly fight that balance challenge where a healthy dose of worry can help but an unhealthy dose can consume and paralyze you. My husband is great at talking me down, so he’s my too-much-worry antidote. I know that Brett is that for you too. Good luck with this new challenge. Miss you 3!

    EJ on

  • Lizzie

    Well, this doesn’t come from a mama, but from a chronic worrier myself…here’s a bible verse that I’ve memorized and there are days where I have to repeat it over and over again, I’ve even written it down to put it in front me where I’ll see it daily…Philippians 4:6-8, “Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, with prayer, petition and thanksgiving, present your requests to God AND the peace of God will guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus.” I capitalized the ‘and’, b/c I view it like if I present my worries to Him, then the rest will happen, God will guard my heart. It’s easier said than done sometimes, but it has helped me in SOOO many trials. You are a wonderful mother; Olive Bee is so blessed by you. Thank you for sharing your struggle, and know that I am here to listen and encourage you any time. Love you cousin!

    Lizzie on

  • Abbe Crutchfield Malone
    I’m in the same boat….. moving to NC and worried about so much of the same things! The only advice I can offer other than prayer, is to trust in your mothering skills and love you have given your baby this far. She’s probably way stronger than you can imagine and will thrive with all the tools you have given her. I always say to my kids that I can’t always control what other people do or how they act, but I am always available to them to hug, love and kiss them when they need me…..that’s the best gift and one constant that never changes, no matter where we move! Hugs to you and your beautiful family!

    Abbe Crutchfield Malone on

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